My daughter is getting married soon and her father is not going to help pay because the stepmother does not want him to. They have been together for 10 years so basically have everything in the house they need. What they really need is help paying for the wedding. Is is okay to write on the invitations that in lieu of gifts money would be appreciated to help pay for the wedding??
I second the motion...tacky to the max. I would think that a small, affordable wedding is in order in this case. Some guests may give cash gifts anyway, depending upon the part of the country you live in, but it is always and in every way inappropriate to actually request money, no matter how many people are doing it. Good grief!
Proper etiquette is to NEVER reference gifts in any way inside the invitation. The reason is that being invited to the wedding is totally separate from any REQUIREMENT that any type of gift be given. A gift is from the heart only. People don't have to 'pay' to come to a wedding, although I've seen some brides post on here implying that they think they should get a gift that matches or exceeds their 'cost per person' for their wedding.
The way to handle this issue is word of mouth. If a relative calls and says what do they need for a gift. You might say that they have everything they need for housekeeping, but would you consider a 'gift' of helping toward the wedding. Some people are more inclined if you are specific....'Would you like to help pay for the photographer' or 'help pay for the flowers'....like that. If you know their budget, suggest something less expensive....like napkins or favors or the bride's bouquet only rather than all the flowers. In our part of the country, this is commonly done at big Mexican weddings and quincenearas. Everyone in the family donates for a specific part of the expenses, and on the wedding program, they list who paid for what part.
If you are looking more for cash donations in lieu of gifts, all the attendants should know this too....as the couple's friends will more likely be asking one of the attendants what the couple wants for a gift.
It's also possible these days to set up accounts for the honeymoon and accept gifts for that, or accounts at Home Depot or other big stores like that, where by the couple who has all they need, can accumulate money for home remodeling or furniture or other bigger ticket items....and the account will track who donated to it, so the couple can write their Thank You notes properly.
