Here's the situation. Between my fiance and myself there are 5 nieces and nephews ranging from 4-8 yrs old. We have decided that we do not want the ceremony to become a "kids show" by having all of them in the party. We have chosen to have just the youngest girl (my brother's only daughter) to be our flower girl and that is it. The problem is that my MILTB is very upset that HER grandson and granddaughter are not in the party and continually asks us to re-consider. I've talked to my sis-in-law and she says she was initially upset, but understands that if we have her children then we need to have all 5 of them. My MILTB doesn't seem to understand this. She thinks that because we spend more time with her grandchildren (we live in the same city), that I would not have to include all of my side. We have other things for the older children to do (guestbook, handing out programs & bubbles etc) so that they are no left out. Am I totally out to lunch on this, or is it okay just to have the one flowergirl?
My only question would be, how do the other kids feel about this? When I was young, my uncle got married. The bride didn't want us in the wedding, but chose to have her neices and nephews. This is a hurt that I am still not over with. My sister feels the same way I do. And this was 15 years ago! I would suggest all or none because you have to remember that choosing with children will always lead to someone feeling hurt.
My fiance has a younger brother and sister (6 and almost 4) as well as 2 nephews and 1 niece (5, 4, and 2). I was in the same situation that I could not decide between them because I didn't want to include only his brother and sister and not everyone else. We are all so close. I am using his brother as the ring bearer because he is the oldest if the kids. I am using his sister and niece as the flower girls. His 2 nephews will then be "bell boys" and ring a bell down the aisle before the others come in. When they all get down the aisle, then they will just go sit with their parents so there aren't any problems and that is all they have to do-get down the aisle! Just a thought in case you think more on having them in it. I know that is a lot of kids, but I couldn't imagine doing it any other way!
I'm having the exact same problem, Especially with his side of the family. Our son will be the ringbearer and because there isn't any girls on his side, I've asked my cousin for her daughter to be in the wedding, when my future MIL found out she was Totally enraged that her favorite grandson would not become the spotlight of the evening, even though we have our own son,and so did the mother of the child. Its really childish how people act towards a wedding..why does a wedding revolve around children instead of the ones getting married????
Okay, so I'm not the only one that's having this problem. I just get so frustrated when my future MIL asks me over and over again if we've re-considered. The thing is, I've talked to my sister (she has 3 children) and my fiances sister (the mother of the ones in question) and neither of them are upset about it, so why is my FMIL? The most upsetting part is that she thinks we should JUST have her grandchildren and none from my side because "we see them more". She even had the nerve to tell me that my niece we've asked (4yrs old) probably won't even walk down the aisle (in a rather unfriendly way). She then said that we should have the other 2 on "stand-by". Finally my fiance stood up to his mom and told her not to ask again because we are not changing our minds. We have also found many other ways to involve the children at the party, I'm just not interested in having 5 walk up the aisle.
My FMIL also questioned me wanting the 5 in the wedding because of them getting down the aisle, etc. I guess I just have my mind set that I want them all involved, and if something goes wrong, it's not the end of the world. If you can find other ways, then that is great! To add onto the comments your FMIL is making.....I know that mine has an "older" taste than I do. I wanted my wedding to be unique. My fiance's sisters had very elegant weddings. THat is not my style. I wanted it a little more contemporary, relaxed, but at the same time, elegant with candles, etc. Anyway, the point of my story is...it is MY wedding, and I just told her what I was doing! I know she frowned on some things, but I really didn't care-because she has been able to go through her 2 daughters weddings and plan those. (My fiance doesn't care to help much anyway, so that is why I don't feel like I have to include her in all of the plans!) I get along great with her and sometimes I have her look at a few things, but I don't always take her opinion and because I never did, that doesn't make things different between us. I think she understands that I want it done my way and I have my mind set! SO, good luck and hopefully she will understand that it's not a big deal to decide on these issues.....like it was mentioned, it's not the kids getting married, it's YOU!
