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King Henry VIII Needed a Better Event Planner |
Don't think being King is all roses and rubberstamps. Ask Henry VIII, who ruled England from 1509 to 1547. Thirty six years of matters of state and thirty six years of wife problems. His spouse issues are the stuff of legend, though if you are really keeping score, two of those nuptials were not of his doing.
If Henry had a wedding planner, I doubt very much he would have followed through with his first marriage to Catherine of Aragon. No good wedding planner worth their weight in wedding cake would let you enter into holy matrimony simply because your sick brother "owed" the young lady a favor. And in Catherine's case, she wasn't that young to start with. When Henry realized what a lousy situation he had entered, he quickly looked for excuses to get out of the marriage. Luckily for Henry, Catherine's only child was a daughter so he conveniently had her replaced for the good of succession. It's amazing what people would buy into three hundred years ago.
And the King's wedding planner issues continued. Five more times the King would say, "I do," and would have to find loopholes to get himself out of a marriage that just didn't work. A couple of times he took the "'til death do us part" bit to an extreme and executed his wives to straighten matters out. Anne Boleyn is the most famous of these Significant Other executions.
But I still think these unfortunate outcomes couldhave been avoided if there had been a professional party planner in the mix. Take, for example, Henry's fourth marriage to a woman named Anne of Cleeves. Right away a good event planner would be questioning the whole "missing a last name" thing. And there's no way a wedding planner would let the King marry someone who he had never met. The guy only saw a portrait of her and agreed to the marriage. What's with that? Party planners would have clearly pointed out how portraits are often touched up to make the bride-to-be more soothing to the eye. Henry found this out the hard way and quickly set in motion a few royal maneuvers to disengage himself the misrepresented German non-beauty.
And aside from helping you with all of your wedding plans, a good entertainment planner will be of value in many facets of a King's life. Clearing running a country or even an empire is more than one man can handle. That is why trusted, informed advisors are often the saving grace for a successful monarchy. So what better advisor to have than an event planner who knows all your personal, royal idiosyncracies? Had Henry VIII heeded these words, he never would have appointed Thomas More to as his lord chancellor--way bad decision.
Because of Henry's first bad choice marriage (remember Catherine of Aragon), the King needed the Pope to okay a marriage annulment. Three hundred years ago, Rome wasn't as open-minded as they are today. No go on the annulment. Rather than be excommunicated, Henry got the bright idea to form his own church--the Church of England. Okay, clever idea. But a good event planner would have seen in advance that Sir Thomas More is not the person you want to choose to spearhead the proceedings.
First, More was a monastic. Not a good choice when you're trying to do a flip-flop on dyed-in-the-wool religious beliefs. Second, More was a supersmarty when it came to arguing legal stuff. A party planner would tell you never to give too much responsibility to such a educated and loose cannon. Sure enough, More made a mockery of the King's situation. Although he did not publicly refute or denounce the act, he refused to affirm it by using his lawyerly know-how. The end result was the King never had the support he needed to make the new church thing fly. Of course, it was just a matter of time before More was tried for treason and executed. Note to college grads: Think twice before pursuing law careers in countries where they still allow beheadings.
And while I'm on the subject of beheadings... Remember the German bride Henry married based on a just a portrait? Well, she wasn't beheaded, but the guy who helped arrange the whole sight-unseen marriage, Thomas Cromwell, got the axe. Again, a more experienced wedding planner probably would have nixed such a doomed nuptial way in advance. Of course, depending on King Henry's mood and his penchant for settling matters with the guillotine, even the best of event planners might have stayed clear of any castle event.
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